Saturday, April 4, 2009

Did someone say anything about Eeyore?

Who? I'm dying to know.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Law and Order

Being at home recuperating has its benefits, such as being able to veg for hours and not get yelled at for being lazy.  But it also has its downsides--television is terrible, boredom seeps in, paintings take time to dry, etc. 

The one saving vegetative device I have found are Law and Order marathons.  It doesn't particularly matter what variety, but USA seems to always have some mind-zapping option available.  In watching the new Alec Baldwin Hulu ad, mocking the older generation's threat that our brains will turn to mush by watching the tube, I was inspired to think.

Is television really so bad?

Undoubtedly, no.  The "television is terrible for you" attitude is held by former generations to scare its children into doing something "productive" in its spare time.  Mind you, if the baby boomer generation had enough channels to make television worthwhile, I'm sure they would have watched it themselves.  Moreover, in the 19th century, people young and old awaited each serial edition of a Dickens novel.  Why does television get shat upon yet reading trashy novels, which are much less stimulating than a well-written television show, is heralded as "intellectual?"

I know, someone is going to say, "but Allegra, we laugh at people who read Dan Brown novels all the time!" but I'd bet you that 9 out of 10 of our grandparents would much prefer us reading trashy fiction than smart television.  Simply, the entertainment of the day is always heralded as the doom of civilization until it gets accepted into the mainstream and heaven-forbid our brains don't ooze out of our ears in the meantime.

I suppose this post is meant to bemoan the hypocrisy of the elderfolk in our lives, and not to sound like a Marxist viva la revolutionnaire, but also to praise Law and Order.

The shows are formulaic, sure, but it's a damn good formula.  Look at the Harry Potter books.  100 page summary, 300 page build up, 200 page adventure, 100 page cooldown. Sure there's an analogous pattern for Law and Order, but for some reason, each case pulls you in.  Even if there are search and seizure violations left and right, witness intimidation, etc. you still find it somehow believable enough to be intrigued.

The point of an 8 hour USA Law and Order marathon is to keep your brain working enough that you can't think about other things, but not so much that it feels like an academic exercise.  The problem with truly stupid (non-engaging) shows is that they don't occupy enough of your brain cells, and therefore your brain is going to revert to its usual hectic pace.  Law and Order is the perfect balance between mindless and mind-occupying television, which is what makes it possible to veg to 8 hours of the show.

The downside?  It becomes incredibly tempting to put off work and just watch the Law and Order Marathon, but hey, who really has anything that has to get done anyway? 

Cats vs Dogs

The funniest thing I've seen in a while, largely because it's true. At least, it's true the way I think of cats and dogs in my head.



WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary......

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...